i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
