I smell stomach acid.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
