He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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