): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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