What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
