At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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