I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
