My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
