So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
