apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
