Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Someone signed my nipple.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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