He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
