she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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