Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
