My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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