i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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