his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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