Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
