You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Panties = found
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
