D3 body, D1 cock
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
