The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
