when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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