I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
