Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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