After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
and you fell through a lawn chair
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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