I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
