I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
