the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
NoShamevember. You game?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
