What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
