I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
