Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
