Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
It was confusing and full of hummus
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
