went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
