i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
