He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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