If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
of course. lets lasso hookers.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
