A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
