i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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