Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
