I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
