Plan B is the new Plan A
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
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