I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
