Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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