you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
