I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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