There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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