I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
