Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
