the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
