I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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