Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
