in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
