the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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