I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
