weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
